What Women Are Looking For In Men
I'd like to teach how to make a fantastic first impression from the perspective of a woman, which is why I've invited Mirabelle Summers to speak about what women seek. We've all read the books about how to make a good first impression and what women desire from guys.
We all know that a person's first and lasting impression of us is formed within seconds of meeting them.
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We understand that a person will assess every aspect of us, from our toes to the tip of our heads, in order to determine whether or not they are interested in us.
We understand how tough it is to overcome a poor first impression.
But what are we going to do about it?
If you're like most guys, you worry about it and get so nervous before meeting a girl for the first time that your hand sweats and your mouth gets so dry that you swig down a massive gulp of beer, causing you to cough uncontrollably and her to back off with a wrinkled nose and a polite eyebrow raise.
Stressing out about what women want and creating a negative first impression is GUARANTEED to make a bad first impression on her.
As a dating and relationship researcher, I've spent a lot of time in clubs, restaurants, and cafés observing people connect. It's typically rather easy to see what's going on from a distance. It's easy to see who's interested in each other, who's bored, who wants to get laid, and who just wants the other person to leave.
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But, as easy as it is to notice what's going on between two strangers, I know I'm just as blind as anyone when it comes to seeing myself.
We are unable to see how we connect with others. This is because we are unable to "see" ourselves.
We're too engrossed in what's going on during a conversation to see the tiny indications that an observer might notice. We have far too much invested in the outcome to be objective.
I'd like to offer you an idea of what you'd look like if you were a girl. What kind of impression would I have of you if I met you right now... What would it be based on, and what would it be based on?
TIP #1. "Focus on Your Inner Game, Not Your Outward Appearance"
My first impression of many of the men I meet is that they place their entire self-assurance in their appearance rather than whatever interior traits they may possess.
Although they appear confident on the outside, I can tell they spend a lot of time in front of the mirror to get their look just right. Their hair is artfully mussed, their shoes are gleaming, they wear a watch that clearly cost them a little fortune, and so on. Their self-assurance stems from the belief that if a girl looks at them, she will think, "He's hot."
Here's some breaking news... Girls are interested in more than just your appearance.
In fact, your clothing are merely a fun place to start. We care more about the complete picture: body language, inner confidence, sense of authority, social standing, and so on.
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We're learning a lot more about you than you think since women are much better at reading body language than males. We can practically SEE the cracks in a man's self-esteem and how he's patched them up with bluster and a large wallet.
That's why I tell males to stop worrying about looking like metrosexuals and instead concentrate on their INSIDE game.
Consider the possibility that females can read your every thought – as we often can – and train your mind to think exactly what you want to present.
For example, I can SEE when a man is attempting to make a positive first impression. I can see his mind working as he comes up with conversational angles and tries to react in a calm and humorous manner.
Guys who have the looks but lack the inner game will never be able to score with as many women as those who have the inner game but lack the looks.
TIP #2. "A Positive Attitude is Contagious"
We'll pick up on your mood, whether it's negative, good, nervous, tense, relaxed, or pleased.
Assume that whatever you're feeling will make the female feel the same way. If you're in a good mood, she'll be in a good mood as well. If you're nervous, she'll be nervous around you as well. She will become tense if you are tense. If you try too hard, she will feel pressured to try harder as well – and no one like having to work at something.
Nothing irritates me more than being with a guy who is frantically attempting to make a good first impression...
...Unless you're with a person who is trying so hard not to try that he's as dull as a lump on a log.
It's not going to work if you try too hard. You'll come across as enthusiastically dead if you don't try at all, thinking, "Yeah, I'm too cool to even bother making any effort for her."
When it comes to initial impressions, your energy level is crucial. It's as though we can read your mind instantly.
"This guy is fun!" we think right away if you're energetic but relaxed. If you're frightened, stressed, or dissatisfied, our first instinct is to tell you to "RUN!"
I'd even go so far as to suggest that we notice your mood before we notice what you're wearing.
Top pick-up artists will tell you that appearances don't matter, and in some ways, they're true. Your ENERGY LEVEL and your MOOD are more significant. It's far better to arrive at a party mentally prepared to have a good time than to arrive looking good but in a bad attitude.
TIP #3. "Look at Her as Unique"
This final point is quite significant. When I'm approached by a man in a bar, I can usually tell whether he's talking to me because he sees an opportunity and I'm "a lady"... or if he's talking to me because I appear to be fascinating to him.
When it comes to girls, a lot of guys believe that if they chat to twenty girls, one of them will respond.
Girls, on the other hand, can tell whether a guy is just going through the motions or is genuinely interested in her.
I'm not saying you shouldn't approach twenty women. But what I'm saying is that you should treat each person as an individual, not as a pair of gorgeous legs in a skirt.
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Regardless of the three-second rule, it can be beneficial to observe a girl for a few minutes to see if you can infer anything about her. What conclusions could you draw about this person based solely on her interactions with her peers? Then, when you DO approach her, you can test your assumptions by asking her questions... and take pleasure in seeing your people-reading abilities improve.
So, if you can focus on your inner game, be in a good mood, and regard her as unique, you can make an excellent first impression on any girl.
Keep in mind that what matters most is what's going on within your head; everything else, including body language and conversational subjects, will flow from there.