Playing Games - A Positive or Negative Way to Begin a Relationship?
I just received the following message from one of my female friends who had recently begun a new relationship (referring to her new man):
"He's a cut above the rest of the folks I've hung out with." He doesn't play games with me and always expresses his love for me. I don't have to be concerned about him being around other women, and he's always forthright about his feelings."
As I listened, it occurred to me that I had previously heard the EXACT same thing from a number of ladies.
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But this got me thinking, because aren't males constantly told that they need to PLAY HARD TO GET in order to keep a woman interested?
So I decided to create this post to explain exactly what "playing games" entails and how efficient these games are at gaining a woman's heart.
You might be surprised by what you learn.
Let's start with why we play these "hard to get" games in the first place.
It's something we've all done.
It took you three days to call, you flirted with that other woman at the party, you pretended you weren't really interested... Isn't that just part of the fun?
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But what exactly is the point of playing hard to get? WHY do we feel the urge to make her envious? WHY can't we just show her we're interested right away?
The harsh reality is that how we go about trying to win a woman's attention reveals a lot more about how we feel about ourselves than it does about how she feels about us:
SELF-PROTECTION is the goal of playing hard to get.
'She won't be able to reject me if I act uninterested.'
The notion of being rejected by the lady we genuinely like, as much as we hate to acknowledge it, is extremely terrible. And we want to do everything we can to safeguard our delicate hearts, even if we aren't aware that we are doing so.
But what are the ramifications of our gaming?
We're BREAKING HER DOWN when we play hard to get.
Consider the following two scenarios:
1. Calling or texting takes several days.
You don't want to come across as 'overly enthusiastic' or 'desperate.'
As a result, she feels insecure and undesired, and she figures you aren't truly interested in her.
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2. Flirting in front of her with other women.
The goal is to make her envious by demonstrating that there are other women you could have.
As a result, she feels rejected, envious, and insecure, as if she isn't measuring up to other women. You appear to be a player who is interested in any woman.
Making her feel this way will only cause her to lose faith in you. What you're doing is harming her spirit, and even if she does wind up dating you, she'll never forget how you made her feel deep inside.
BUILDING HER UP IS WHAT WE SHOULD BE DOING.
Let's go over the talk I had with my friend once more:
"He's a cut above the rest of the folks I've hung out with." He doesn't play games with me and always expresses his love for me. I don't have to be concerned about him being around other women, and he's always forthright about his feelings."
My acquaintance considers herself to be the luckiest woman alive because her husband is constantly putting her up. He is always honest and lets her know how much he feels for her. From the first day he met her, this man has made my buddy feel like the most amazing lady on the planet, and she will treasure him forever.
So, what makes this individual different from someone who always plays hard?
Self-confidence.
This is a MAN WITH CONFIDENCE. He is at ease with himself, he knows what he wants, and he isn't afraid to go out and get it. That isn't to say he isn't concerned about being rejected; we all are.
A confident man, on the other hand, manages his dread with grace.
He might phone her the next day to say he had a good time and invite her out with him the following weekend. This would demonstrate to her that he is interested, motivated, and trustworthy.
However, if she did not return his call or refused to commit to the date, our confident man would back off. Allow her time to respond, but don't be offended if she doesn't — it's her loss.
A self-assured man understands that the best way to win his woman's heart is to show to her that he is the one for her.
A lady will not give another second of her attention to a man who tries to play games with her after having a man love her like this.
Drawing a line...
Unfortunately, guys are frequently taught that they must play hard to get in order to keep a woman interested.
From a scientific standpoint, this concept arises from the fact that people are drawn to socially selecting potential partners. When you show that you favour certain women over others based on your own set of norms and preferences, you are being socially selective.
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We are unlikely to be attracted to a lady who appears to be eyeing every man in the room, as this would indicate she is desperate.
Men, on the other hand, frequently make the opposite mistake while trying to attract a woman: appearing as if they aren't interested at all. When paying selective attention to the woman they are chasing would be far more beneficial.
Acting uninterested sends the message that you're not interested, and she'll go away. Giving her your whole attention while ignoring other women would make her feel extremely special and treasured.
Let's return to one of our previous examples. A man playing hard to get may flirt with other ladies at the party in an attempt to make the lady he wants jealous.
Our CONFIDENT MAN would be courteous to other women while stating unequivocally that he only has eyes for the woman he desires. He would lavish her with compliments and make her believe she was the most attractive woman in the room.
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Who's going to be the one to get the girl?
I believe you already know the answer.
Remember, just because you're confident and exhibit interest doesn't mean there won't be sparks flying. Flirting is fantastic: it's an important aspect of establishing an exciting and romantic mood.
Compliments, caressing, teasing, and making her laugh are all things that will entice her into your arms.
However, snooping around for other ladies in front of her or suddenly looking uninterested will send her running in the opposite direction. Or, even worse, into someone else's arms.
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So, gentlemen, don't make the mistake of thinking you have to work hard to win her heart. You'll have her forever if you're a CONFIDENT MAN.
I hope you found this post to be informative. Please feel free to comment below with your thoughts and personal experiences with dating games.
